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Agnes Akite aka Arach on funny Ugandans

Agnes Akite’s Liteside

Any three things that we don’t know about you?

I am a very reserved person; I mind my own business and if I meet you for the first time, you might mistake it for pride. I am very short tempered which may sound funny for a comedian but it’s the truth.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Family time is all time happiness for me.

What is your greatest fear?

Dying before my children can fend for themselves; I fear leaving my children in the hands of a merciless and cruel world.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Family time is all time happiness for me.

What is your greatest fear?

Dying before my children can fend for themselves; I fear leaving my children in the hands of a merciless and cruel world.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

I have a soft spot for people; when I like someone, I overdo it and eventually some take advantage of me.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Hypocrisy.

Which living person do you most admire?

I admire my father; even at 70 years, he is still hardworking and energetic enough to take care of the family. He is my superstar. I also admire every hardworking woman because it’s good to hustle and have your own money.

What is your greatest extravagance?

I like hanging out a lot even when I know that it’s not a good habit.

What is the greatest thing you have ever done?

Settling down for marriage; I never imagined myself settling down for marriage but I am there and still going.

What is your current state of mind?

I am happy because things are working out slowly.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

It is a character of all Ugandans; we waste too much time yapping about unnecessary stuff that never adds value to our lives. We also like fighting wars on behalf of others.

What does being powerful mean to you?

Knowledge is power; it can be used to build or destroy anyone so a person with knowledge is powerful.

On what occasion do you lie?

If I ever tell lies, it won’t go unnoticed so I avoid telling lies.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

Although I usually joke about my legs, they don’t bother me.

Which living person do you most despise?

Anyone who is a hypocrite.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

God fearing, hardworking, and self-respect.

What is the quality you most like in a man?

God fearing, self-respect, and hard work.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

My family and that incorporates many people.

When and where were you happiest?

Giving birth to my son and daughter in 2004 and 2013 respectively is unforgettable. I was also happy graduating from university in 2007 because, clearly, people had lost hope in the playful me. It disproved many people.

Which talent would you most like to have?

I would love to add music but it’s one thing that I was never gifted with. I tried it several times until I came to terms that I can never be a musician even when my entire family can sing.

Where would you most like to live?

Where else would I live apart from Uganda?

What is your most treasured possession?

I treasure talent because it foots my bills.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

I would never wish for any woman to have a miscarriage because it is a very painful experience.

What is your favorite occupation?

Being a mother is also an occupation so I put it before anything else. I take that job very seriously.

What do you most value in your friends?

I am more comfortable having male friends because they are straightforward and less dramatic.

Who are your favourite writers?

I don’t read a lot but I believe that a stand-up comedian should read widely to get a feel of what is trending and guide his or her work.

Who is your hero of fiction?

I like Tyler Perry; he is an actor, playwright and filmmaker whom I learn from a lot. I highly recommend his film ‘Acrimony’ to all women.

Which historical figure do you most identify with?

I have read about Bob Marley as a brave activist; I wish I could be an activist standing up for peoples’ rights if not for being a coward.

Who are your heroes in real life?

My father is my hero.

What is your greatest regret?

Everything that happens does so for a reason and it teaches lessons so I don’t regret anything.

How would you like to die?

In my sleep but in old age.

What is your motto?

Keep walking.

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