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REVIEW: 2018’s funniest stories

Kampala, Uganda | THE INDEPENDENT | Tororo man eats cobra to avenge his lost chicken

Kenneth Odiom 34, shocked fellow villagers in Kwapa central village in Tororo district when, for his birthday meal, he hunted and killed a venomous cobra snake that had been eating his chickens and ate it. The giant serpent had made a habit of grabbing the chickens before slithering to feast on them in its home in anthill just outside Odiom’s compound. Fed up and perhaps hungry,  Odiom first dug up the anthill, smoked out the cobra, chopped off its head then skinned it after immersing it in boiling water. He then chopped it into pieces; dip fried it, and feasted on it as villagers looked on in awe as eating a snake was unheard of in the area. But Odiom, who is a transporter, possibly picked interest in eating snakes from his travels to neighbouring DR Congo.  He washed the meal down with a glass of juice and a beer. Not all snakes are safe to eat. The cobra is eatable because it is venomous but not poisonous. (Source PML news)

Namesakes claim same RDC job

When President Yoweri Museveni in October released a new list of Resident District Commissioners (RDCs), it included that of Moses Nuwagaba for Kisoro District. For these jobs, Museveni usually appoints loyal to him or to his ruling NRM party. In an unprecedented coincidence this time, two people called Moses Nuwagaba showed up claiming to be the one Museveni had named. Moses Nuwagaba is the speaker of Eastern Division in Rukungiri Municipality and another Moses Nuwagaba is a former deputy RDC of Kaberamaido District in eastern Uganda. Eventually they petitioned the Office of the President to clarify.  (Source: Daily Monitor)

Woman chops off husband’s genitals

A jealous wife in Mukono, has been arrested for cutting off her husband’s genitals with a kitchen knife after suspecting he was cheating on her. Rehema Kabayana, 24, was convinced that her husband Anthony Sekawa,28, was having an affair with another woman in the neighbourhood According to the Police, Kabayana waited for her husband to fall asleep before cutting off his penis from its base using a four- inch knife. The incident took place in Wantoni, Mukono Municipality. Sekawa was rushed a hospital in Kampala where he was treated. Kampala Metropolitan Police Spokesperson Luke Owoyesigyire said an investigations team had already visited Sekawa’s home to gather evidence. The suspect was detained.

State House recycles Museveni Independence Day speeches

Kampala. President Museveni’s 56th Independence anniversary speech that State House shared with the media shows the first four paragraphs are word-for-word a reproduction of what he spoke at last year’s celebrations. The heavily replicated parts of the speech follow immediately after the preamble in the same order as in the October 9, 2017 Independence anniversary remarks and, counted together, run 167 words. President Museveni, who was the chief guest, did not read his official speech during the national observance of the 56th fête in Kyotera District. He had it circulated for publication in the newspapers since, according to him, it was late and people needed to go and enjoy themselves.  (Source: Daily Monitor)

A hotel in Uganda cooks longest rolex

Best Western Premier Garden Hotel at Entebbe Victoria Mall held an event to make the longest rolex under the theme “Reach out to the needy; teach to cook not to beg. A ‘rolex’ is a Ugandan street food recipe comprising of an omelette rolled in a chapatti.” The general manager, Kumar Bhupendra, said the rolex was prepared by eight chefs, using 100 eggs, 5kg of wheat flour, 6kg of tomatoes, 5kg of onions, two litres of cooking oil and 2kg of cabbage. It was unveiled at a function attended by the Entebbe Mayor, Vincent de Paul Kayanja, Charles Magumba; the town clerk and Miss Tourism Challa Elma. Three metres of the rolex was shared with all the guests and the remaining two metres was donated to a school of children with special needs in the neighbourhood. Pupils of the school were also trained how to make the recipe. The function coincided with the Entebbe Tourism Festival that was hosted by Entebbe municipal council and Uganda Tourism Board in Entebbe.   (Source: Daily Monitor).

Arua police bribed with beer

Residents of Offaka Sub-county in Arua District accused the police of demanding crates of beer before releasing suspects. The residents said when the police arrest them, the first thing they ask for are crates of beer before considering the merits of the case or posting bond.  Lillian Andama told Lawrence Sydey Etima-Ojara, the deputy chief of party/judiciary technical advisor, and Ms Maria Kaddu Busuulwa, the coordinator of rights and rule of law at Foundation for Human Rights Initiative (FHRI), FHRI that the police demand between five and six bottles of beer before considering the case. The police in Uganda often demand bribes to do their work, but asking for beer is a new development. Etima-Ojara and Busuulwa told residents that police bond is free.

Snake invades Museveni tent

A snake invaded the red carpet, and passed just inches from President Museveni who was addressing a public rally in Kirangira Village, Mukono District. Ministers and senior district officials fled from the VIP tent as soldiers in the Special Forces Command, who guard the President, raced to kill the serpent. They trampled on it with heavy military boots, smashing it to death. The fight to kill the snake in a dimly-lit VIP tent interrupted Museveni’s speech. “What is it?” the President murmured in Kiswahili as he moved his feet away. The Minister of State for Lands, Persis Namuganza, of State for Water Ronald Kibuule, and the Mukono District chairperson Andrew Ssenyonga and Justice Catherine Bamugemereire, the chairperson of the Commission of Inquiry into Land Matters were among those who scampered for dear life. Order was restored and the President resumed his speech.

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