Why women stay with abusers

An academic study offers some insights

Kampala, Uganda | THE INDEPENDENT & AGENCIES  | Domestic violence is a public health problem in most parts of the world. A 2021 United Nations report showed that one in three women aged 15-49 years in sub-Saharan Africa had experienced one form of violence or another by an intimate partner.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, however, an increase was reported. Exposure to violence was highest among women in Kenya (80%), Morocco (69%), Jordan (49%), and Nigeria (48%). Those in Paraguay were the least likely to report such experiences, at 25%. The research was conducted in 13 countries namely Albania, Bangladesh, Cameroon, Colombia, Côte d’Ivoire, Jordan, Kenya, Kyrgyzstan, Morocco, Nigeria, Paraguay, Thailand, Ukraine. It did not cover Uganda.

But according to the Uganda Police Force (UPF), domestic violence or broadly Gender-based Violence (GBV) is perceived as a critical national problem with severe, long term negative impacts on the physical, sexual, and mental wellbeing of the survivors, family, and community. It is a serious human rights, public health, and a socio-economic concern that the government is keen to reduce or eliminate.

The government has in place the policy on the Elimination of Gender Based Violence in Uganda 2016, the Domestic Violence Act 2010, and its regulations 2011.

Despite this, a UN Women report of 2020 explained that restrictive lockdown measures put in place to curb the spread of the coronavirus in Uganda, served their purpose, however, movement restrictions adversely impacted women and girls experiencing violence. It was titled: “What happened after COVID-19 hit: Uganda”.

It said: Domestic violence became more pervasive during the COVID-19 lockdown because a lot of people lost their jobs and were frustrated as a result. Additionally, partners and co-habitants were locked up together and had no money to cater for their families. Women bore the brunt because they relied on their partners to provide for the family.

Another report titled: `COVID-19 Rapid Gender Assessment Uganda 2020; Gender perspective’ revealed that almost half (47%) of respondents to a survey said they personally know someone who has been a GBV victim since the onset of the pandemic.

The report was based on a survey designed to fully understand how women and men are affected by the pandemic and presented sex-disaggregated data on the livelihoods, safety and security, access to essential health and other services, and perceptions on and incidence of gender-based violence (GBV) of women and men across the country.

Women (46%) were slightly less likely than men (49%) to know victims and this was the case across all age groups and geographic areas. Respondents in the Northern region were more likely to know a victim of GBV than in other regions, and women (54%) and men (54%) were equally likely to know such victims.

Half of the respondents knew someone who experienced physical violence (50%) during the pandemic. This was followed by other forms of GBV such as denial of resources (30%), psychological torture (28%), sexual violence (28%), forced marriage (26%), and sexual harassment (23%). Psychological and emotional abuse was more likely to be reported by women (30%) than men (25%).

Respondents were asked if they knew someone who has been a victim of GBV and to subsequently indicate which incident was the most recent. Follow-up questions on the most recent event ensued.

Physical violence (36%) was the form of GBV most likely to be identified by respondents followed by denial of resources (18%), sexual violence (18%), child/forced marriage (16%), psychological torture (15%), and sexual harassment (13%). Women (22%) were more likely than men (15%) to know someone who experienced ‘denial of resources’ during the pandemic.

Most respondents identified a spouse (33%) as the perpetrator of the most recent GBV incident followed by neighbors (15%) and strangers (11%).

The Nigerian government has also set up policies and agencies to combat domestic violence. But UN Women put the figure at 48% of Nigerian women being exposed to domestic violence directly or indirectly. Forms of violence include physical abuse, verbal abuse, denial of basic needs, denial of communication, and sexual harassment.

One of the questions that tend to arise around cases of domestic violence is why some victims remain in abusive relationships when they could leave.

The answers are not simple, say three researchers who have studied the issue in Nigeria.

They include Prof. Peace N. Ibeagha and Steven Kator Iorfa; a Post Graduate Student of Social and Personality Psychology, all from the University of Nigeria and James Edem Effiong, Senior Lecturer, The University of Uyo.

Their study, published in June 2022 in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, is titled `Traumatic bonding in victims of intimate partner violence is intensified via empathy’.

In the study, they focused on women who reported to sexual assault centres in Nigeria. They say they hoped to identify the patterns of associations and links between being victimised and staying victimised.

The study explored the possible role of traumatic bonding and the influence of empathy. These are concepts in the field of psychology.

Traumatic bonding is a strong emotional attachment between an abused person and his or her abuser. It’s a coping mechanism which develops through repeated cycles of abuse and “respite from abuse”. Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another person’s position and appreciate what they might be feeling.

They found that traumatic bonding was more common in women in our study who had a lot of empathy.

This suggests that communities, friends and families should be on the lookout when women begin to explain away their partner’s violent actions. Knowing that empathic people are more vulnerable in situations of abuse helps those who care for them to intervene before it is too late. It also offers insights into how policies regarding domestic violence may be framed.

Research findings

The researchers collected data from 345 women who reported at two domestic violence centres in two states in Nigeria over a period of six months (September 2019 to February 2020). After approval for the study was obtained, they visited the centres on random days and informed women about their study. Those who gave informed consent were then given the questionnaires to respond to.

Not all women reporting at the centre participated in the study. However, among those who participated, the researchers say they found symptoms of traumatic bonding such as: “Core Stockholm syndrome” – explaining away and minimising the abuser’s behaviour, self-blame, love dependence – believing that your survival depends on someone else’s love, psychological damage – depression, low self-esteem, loss of sense of self.

As evidence for the presence of traumatic bonding, all the women in the study were still in their abusive relationships.

Disturbingly, they also found that women who developed signs of traumatic bonding had elevated levels of empathy. Across the three domains – Stockholm syndrome, love dependence and psychological damage – empathy served as a pathway through which intimate partner violence translated into the decision to stay victimised. Empathic women chose to remain in their abusive relationships.

Empathy is usually a positive trait in a person. But abusive partners take advantage of the empathic traits and concern of their victims. The more empathetic victims are, the more likely it is they will stay victimised.

Our study is not the first to suggest that empathy can have drawbacks. Others have shown it can make people vulnerable to bad experiences. But is empathy therefore a trait to be abolished in intimate relationships? How do victims then break free without losing something of value?

Breaking free

The collaborative actions of individuals, communities and governments are crucial in helping victims break free from traumatic bonding. Victims who remain in abusive relationships do not do so because they want to, but because they are traumatically bonded to the abuser. They lack the power and psychological will to break free.

The researchers recommend that special intervention approaches be put in place that involve collective community action in addressing abusive relationships. Whistle blowing has worked in other sectors to expose crime and we recommend its use in exposing domestic violence as victims may be unable to help themselves.

The proper authorities must be equipped to handle such cases within the provisions of the law.

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This report is based largely on an article published by the researchers in the online journal; The Conversation.