Cohabiting is en vogue. This formerly frowned at arrangement, some people say, is becoming stylish. ‘Come we stay’ or test driving as some call it nowadays is done for various reasons. There are those who desire marriage but whose financial situation does not make it possible. Others wish to get the feel of married life before they actually get into it. Others don’t see any difference in whether they tied the knot or not and choose to just live together.  

There are countless couples that have had successful ‘marriages’ while cohabiting. But there are countless others whose lives have been shattered because of cohabiting. One will meet more people who frown at the mention of cohabiting so how much of a bad idea is it?   

While statistics show that new HIV/Aids infections are highest among couples generally, cohabiting couples are at an even bigger risk because of the various insecurities that are related with cohabiting. 

Experts in the Uganda AIDS Commission say cohabiting partners are prone to catching the AIDS virus because they have limited chances of negotiating for safer sex for fear of rejection by their partner. Dr. Richard Ddamulira of Uganda AIDS Commission says: “Because of this unfounded fear, the partner ends up giving in to irrational demands for want of continued receipt of services from the other partner and risk contracting HIV/AIDS.”

In the traditional African society cohabiting was unheard of. A man had to first get the consent of his parents and that of the parents of the girl before he could take her to live with him.  These values, it seems, don’t matter to many people anymore.  

The trend has caught on in Uganda with the biggest known practitioners being university graduates and students in higher institutions of learning. Some of the university students already cohabiting that The Independent talked to said they wanted to “dodge rent, get food and survive.”  Some said they cohabit because they lack family support and parental love. Others simply said they wanted to “fit in”.

“It is fashionable. At campus one is a grown up and has every right to cohabit provided they have consented,” said Linda, a third year Information Technology student at Makerere University.

Other students who spoke to The Independent said they cohabit because they are already betrothed to each other and are thus “road testing”. “When one wants to buy a pair of shoes, he or she finds out if the shoes fit in their foot,” Charles, a fourth-year medical student said.

A study carried out in 2007 by Ohio State University revealed that couples who live together before marriage may be less likely to eventually marry than previously believed.

According to the study, only about 40% of cohabiting couples studied ended up marrying within four to seven years.  42% of cohabiting couples disagreed about the future of their relationship.

“Some studies show that cohabiting couples with the best economic prospects are the ones who get married,” Sharon Sassler, co-author of the study and assistant professor of sociology at Ohio State University, said. “But we find just the opposite. Men who earn the most are least likely to marry, but also are less likely to break up with their partners.”

It’s not just research that is taking cohabiting off the list of fashionable acts, religious leaders are up in arms against it and argue that such relationships are unstable and harmful.

Said Pastor Duke Orina, chaplain of Makerere University Seventh-day Adventists “total and unconditional commitment of marriage strengthens a couple’s bond and it makes the partners feel more secure, more relaxed and happier than those that have chosen to cohabit.” 

Kefa Otiso in his book: Culture and Customs of Uganda says “the breakdown of social customs engendered by modernisation has contributed to the rise of cohabitation in Uganda’s urban areas”. He adds that high poverty levels are preventing many marriage - age people from meeting up - front costs of marriage like dowry, wedding and reception forcing them to cohabit.

Otiso should perhaps have also talked of the young people’s desire for big white weddings that are not within their means. Rather than plan for smaller manageable weddings to formalise their marriage, many chose to cohabit in the hope that they will accumulate enough money to throw a wedding of their dreams which in most cases, never comes.

Legal experts say Uganda’s law does not recognize this ad hoc marriage arrangement so those cohabiting would find it hard to legally challenge their partner on many issues if the need arose. At the time of separation, the person with more fight in them, usually the man, takes the property.

Because of the growing number of cohabiting households, the proposed Domestic Relations Bill seeks to automatically make a two-year or longer cohabitation a legally recognised marriage. This provision apparently intends to protect children born of such marriages.

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